4 more days..........I think I'm gonna throw up!

I am not ready for this. My training has not gone according to plan. Between injuries & struggling with depression I have not trained enough. I am going to do it but I have made it so much harder on myself by not sticking to my schedule. I know it doesn't do any good to beat myself up about this but it is really hard....I have let myself down. Not a good feeling need to remember this so I won't do it next time.

Perfect opportunity....

Things came together tonight & there was no way I couldn't go running. I decided to go to the track so I could so some "speed work" ha, ha.... the word speed probably doesn't belong on my blog! Anyways I have been reading about that so I did some "speed work" think I might kindof like it...I don't know but I ran a total of 4 miles in 50 minutes & tonight I'm just gonna be happy with that!

Life has gotten in the way......

I should say I have let life get in the way......
I am very disappointed in myself. Instead of running more to help deal with my stress I have completely stopped. I am sabotogizing myself for the half marathon and I don't know why. I'm depressed because I'm not running but too depressed to make myself run......
Time to buck up quit feeling sorry for myself & just do it.
(so much easier said than done)

It's official I'm a runner!

I looked in the mirror today & saw that on my back I have a sports bra tan line! So I think it's official I can call myself a runner!
I totally have to thank Kristin & Julie for my tan line! We ran 10 miles on Saturday which is crazy in itself but I think it's even crazier that it was sunny & hot! I have never ran when it was sunny & hot out! What a different experience!
I could have never done this by myself......
Thank you Kristin & Dave for having my sports drink & goo....both were homemade & were awesome! Also thank you for the Clif Blocks (I owe you!)
Okay there are too many things I'm just going to list them:
Waiting for me to get there from Hillboro
Mapping out the route
Making sure there were bathrooms along the way
Water
Staying with me
Your sister
Banana after run
And then coming to Hillsboro and watching Hailee's game and going out to Chevy's afterwards! What a great day! I couldn't have asked for any better!

My awesome new Blog look!!

I wish I could say I made my blog look so awesome.....but I have to thank Janae (Kristin's sister) THANK YOU!!! It looks so great! I LOVE it! It encourages me to post more just so I can look at it!

Depressed, overwhelmed, scared, tired

That is how I feel right now.
Depressed because I'm in pain most of the time....
Overwhelmed because I'm supposed to run a 1/2 marathon in 22 days
Scared because I'm supposed to run a 1/2 marathon in 22 days
Tired......extremely tired, I have no energy this week
And I thought running would improve my mood!

Cannon Beach Run & catch up.....

Didn't run Friday (should have) kids were out of town so we went to dinner & I can't run after I eat. Bad excuse I know!
Saturday was a 5k & 10k in Cannon Beach. Me & my cousin left town at 6:30am & headed to the beach. The weather was overcast & raining most of the trip & we weren't looking too forward to running in that! But by the time the race started the weather was pretty nice....cloudy but not windy or raining!
This was Kay's first race & she did awesome! I hope she does more! I ran the 10k & didn't do a very good job...my leg was killing me! It was so great running on the beach! I'm just glad I finished & was able to hang out with Kay! We went & had lunch & stopped at the Nike outlet store on our way back home for our "reward".
Since my leg & the top of my foot were hurting I have not been running. Today they seem to feel better...hopefully just one more day of rest & I will be back at it!

Things just might be getting better....

I ran 4.5 miles with Jim in Columbia City on Tuesday. He really challenged me by taking us on some pretty steep hills. I realize I want to love hills I know all the benefits but the truth is they totally terrify me. There are some days I can make myself run up a hill & other days I stop half way through them & walk or walk from the start. I'm not sure what my mental block is with this but I hate it! Here was my quote of the day from Runner's World
"I don't like the hills so I can avoid the hills, but I know I need the hills and must conquer the hills." Ted Spiker
How appropriate!
Wednesday I worked out at the vault & then walked/ran a route with CK & DB. They are awesome runners so I had to work really hard!
Anyways where I was going with this post is I have ran & worked out harder than ever & my leg does bother me but it is not getting any worse!!!! It seems like "my plan" is working!

My will to suceed.......

"The body does not want you to do this. As you run, it tells you to stop but the mind must be strong. You always go too far for your body. You must handle the pain with strategy......It is not age; it is not diet; It is the will to succeed.
-Jacqueline Gareau

My body says stop before I start! Anyways I love this quote...you always go too far for your body....I need to remember that! My mind is getting in the way of me succeeding at this 1/2 marathon. I need to dig deep & find my will to suceed. Now that I know the problem what is going to be my strategy to handle the pain?

Bridge run & 10K

So I did a 3K (I owe that name to Dave!) on Friday. The weather has been so crazy I wasn't sure if we were going to be able to do it but the rain stopped & didn't come back until after our run. I see people running the St. John's bridge & thought it would be a great run. Not so much.....a little scary with the cars & trucks & buses so close to you! We ran through the neighborhoods afterwards which was much better! KC aka chipper Kristin was the gazelle I thought she would be! She makes running look so easy! I aspire to run like her someday! Me & KB followed behind her like little soldiers! She was totally like a drill sargent! It was a good run other than my stupid leg!
The 10K.......I did it!!!!!!! Yeah!!! I met up with Kristin & Dave & Bridgeport so we could go to the run together. Kristin had a bagel with almond butter & a banana & some vanilla bean goo! She takes good care of me! I'm very lucky to have such a great running partner! My stomach was very upset because I was so nervous! I managed to get the goo down but don't know if I can do that again! It's so gross!
It was a great day for a run....a little cold when you aren't running but at least it wasn't raining! I had a little problem while running & my leg was killing me other than that it was a great race. The route was so pretty! It was great coming across the finish line & seeing Kristin & Dave! I didn't feel very good after the race but that's ok, I'm sooo glad I did it! 3 more weeks until the Helvatia 10K! I still can't believe I'm going to have to run the race I ran today more than twice for the 1/2 marathon! What have I gotten myself into!

10K Sunday it is!!!!!!!!!!!

I ran last night with Jim. Struggled a bit at first but he pushed me & I had a really good run! I forgot my mileage tracker so I don't know my exact mileage but I ran for 45 minutes & I even sprinted to my mom's from McCormick Park at the end of our run. Teagan rode her new bike with us, it was such a great evening!
Today my leg is a little sore but not bad at all so I'm planning on running a 10K this Sunday! Makes my stomach flip just typing that!
I have to do this because I know it will be a good experience before the 1/2 & I need to step my mileage up & this will help.
I want to do this because I love running with Kristin & I am super excited to run another race with her!

10K Sunday????

Okay today I need to make the decision if I am going to run a 10K this Sunday or not. I am going to run tonight & make my decision after my run. I know it would be such a good thing to do in preparing for my half marathon the only reason I'm questioning if I should do it or not is my leg. I'm not sure if it is strong enough to handle a 10K. It will be really hard for me cardiovascular wise but I can deal with that I just don't want to have any set backs with my leg. I think after I run tonight I should be able to tell if my leg is strong enough. I sure hope it is! I would love to run with Kristin again so I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Quiting is not an option........

As I was running on my treadmill (even though it was absolutely gorgeous out...I had 1 hour to change, run, clean up & get Hailee to practice so it was my best option) I wanted to give up, the negative thoughts just kept coming & I couldn't stop them. I started thinking about how I never finish anything (I have around 5 books I'm currently reading, I have a stack of half finished scrapbook pages, I never complete any of the online classes I take, I've started more journals than I can count.... I have trouble finishing anything unless I'm forced to). I always give up 1/2 way & switch to something else. I haven't always been this bad, I used to at least finish a book before I started another one! Having realized how bad I really am made me bound & determined I was going to at least finish my run on the treadmill! I did finish and now I"m wondering why I don't finish what I start. This is something I need to figure out....maybe running will break this cycle I'm in? I'm not going to quit, I can not quit, quiting is not an option....my new mantra to repeat over & over as I continue training for the 1/2 marathon.

Sore muscles are a good thing!

I ran 3 miles on the treadmill.......yeah! I am so sore today & I love it! My favorite song to run to is Uprising by the Muse, that song keeps me going whenever I want to stop, I need more songs like that! Off to the Great Wolf Lodge today for Teagan's birthday, I will get plenty of exercise there!

Back on track....

I am happy to say my leg feels about 90%! I worked out on it last night with yet another new trainer (other trainer I was supposed to start with quit for another job). It was so great to be able to lunges & really work my legs! Hoping to run 3 miles tonight....would love to do it outside but with the weather we are having not sure if that will be possible! Oh and I got my training shirt for the Seattle Rock-N-Roll half marathon in the mail yesterday....it is soooo awesome! Totally inspires me to keep going! I forgot I had even ordered it so what a great surprise!

My own plan....

Soooo this whole staying off my leg doesn't seem to be working for me! I was so depressed yesterday when I got home from work I went to bed! Then I decided the only thing that would help would be to run, so I decided I would run 1 mile no matter how much pain I was in. Oh my gosh it felt so good mentally, physically not so good! I was in so much pain afterwards I wanted to cry so I sat with ice on my leg. I have decided it didn't help to stay off my leg so why not run! I am not in any more pain today than I was before I ran so I'm going to run again tomorrow & just keep slowly increasing my time. I am going to run this half marathon in June!

Results from my appointment.......

Went to my appointment on Thursday. The doctor had me get an xray & thought he might see a stress fracture in my femur up by my hip. He put me on cruches & had me go get an MRI to know for sure what the problem was. I was very happy to find out it was only a tear in the soft tissue that surrounds my hip socket. He told me no running for at least another week & come back & see him in a week.
I still couldn't run if I wanted to which is very frustrating. All the progress I made & now I'm going to have to basically start over! At least it should be soon since it's only a tear.
I can't wait to run again, I really miss it!

Doctor's Appointment

I don't think this pain in my leg is ever going to go away.....did some research online & made a doctors appointment for this Thursday. I probably should have done it sooner but I don't have very good luck with doctors & figured it would be a waste of time. It has been over 2 weeks since I first experienced this pain & I still can't put full pressure on my leg when I walk. I have stayed off it as much as I can & have been putting ice & heat on it every chance I get so I feel like I've done everything I know to do. Hopefully a doctor will give me some more ideas on what to do & tell me exactly what is wrong. I'm very tired of being in pain, I wish my appointment was sooner!

I am thankful for......

I've been whining alot lately so I'm going to remind myself of things to be thankful for!
My trainer, Meridith who always adapts my work out to my needs or should I say injuries!
My husband that supports me going to a trainer
My amazing friend Kristin who is always there to cheer me up with an encouraging text or email!
I can still work out my core & arms
I can ride my bike
And this little bump in the road to my half marathon will eventually be over & I will run again!!!

Things could be worse.......

I know things could be worse.....this is the mantra I repeat over & over to myself as I lay awake last night because of the pain in my leg.
I just don't know what to do? It has been over a week & just when I think things are getting better the pain seems to come back. At this point I still can't walk correctly, I can hardly put any pressure on my leg. I took Advil, put some kindof muscle pain relief cream on my leg & tried to run on the treadmill last night......I couldn't even walk for 5 minutes. I was in tears after this because of the pain & frustration. I did ride my bike which I am at least able to do, but I'm wondering if that caused me to be in so much pain last night???
I am just going to have to take this day by day & not let the fact I can't run ruin my whole day. So today I know I can not run but I can go to the gym & do upper body & core exercises so I will be happy with that.
I have a hard time not focusing on the pain. Do I just take Advil constantly? Do I just deal with the pain?
I will run again, just not today.......

To run or not to run.......

It is Wednesday & I haven't ran since Saturday & I really want to run today. I'm trying to learn from my mistakes & not over do it and have my leg pain get worse, but...... my leg feels a little better still just a constant ache and I haven't taken any Advil & the pain is managable so I know it is getting better. I'm supposed to run in a 5K this weekend so I really want to run tonight & Friday. I'm absolutely stressed out about running in this 5K (more so than the Shamrock 5K) because it is in my hometown & I know I'm not going to be at my best & I don't want to see anyone I know when I'm limping down the road! ARGHHH, why this week??? I think I will try to run tonight at least 20 minutes & go from there........

"Patience & perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear & obstacles vanish" -John Quincy Adams

Just plain down & I can't seem to shake it.....

Feeling really down, frustrated, just plain sad......
Went to run Saturday in Vancouver the pain in my thigh was too much to bear & I could not run the 5 miles.
I could barely walk on Sunday...took lots of Advil to try & manage.
It is Tuesday & I'm not feeling any better, in fact I barely got any sleep last night because of the constant ache in my thigh.
Running is hard enough why is it being made so much harder for me with whatever is going on with my leg??? First my calves (which seem like nothing now, I'm wondering what I was thinking about complaining about them) now my leg.
I just want to get through this & still be running & not start from square one!!!!

Sometimes running with pain really is mind over matter...

After my last painful run I was really hesitant to run tonight. I was really trying to talk myself out of it & the way my evening was going it looked like I was going to succeed!

We got home from dinner & in the back of my mind I kept thinking about a text I got earlier from KB & just knew I could run my scheduled 40 minutes.

I ran, my legs hurt but they would have hurt anyways so I would be saying, "I didn't run & my legs hurt".....it's much better to say "I ran."

"Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?"

- Peter Maher, Canadian marathon runner



I chose to be strong today!

Note to self....

Next time I want to run the day after my long run of the week & better yet try & run the day after that (after working out at the gym too) DO NOT do it! I always have to learn the hard way!!! I wish I could remember exactly how that pain in my calves felt tonight on my treadmill after running 2 miles...my goal was to do at least 3 miles, first time ever I actually had to stop before reaching my goal!
This makes me sad.....just need to remember tomorrow is a new day!
If I learn from this mistake the pain will have been worth it!

Why I started running, this quote says it all!

"Running long and hard is an ideal antidepressant, since it's hard to run and feel sorry for yourself at the same time. Also, there are those hours of clearheadedness that follow a long run." -Monte Davis

Weekend running

My friend Kristin from Vancouver drove here Saturday morning so we could do our 4mile run. I was feeling pretty nervous I stayed up late on Friday and ate more than I should. I found myself thinking maybe she won't want to drive out & change her mind....but I knew she would never do that! It was so good to see her, I am so glad she drove here! We parked at the dog pound & ran the trail to Columbia City & then through the neightborhood streets & up across the highway down another trail. We lucked out no rain...just a little bit of wind at times. It was a really great run for me! We ran all the hills except the last really long one, but we are kicking ourselves for not just doing it. Like Kristin said "next time that hill is ours!" We ran 4.59miles which included lots of hills & took us 48min.
Secret to a good run....5 Advil, 3 Catalyst, & some goo chomps....I felt so good & pretty strong that run so maybe that helped???
We went to Dick's to get Hailee's catching gear....oh how I love that store they have the best running outfits! I bought what I plan to wear to the 1/2 marathon, I just couldn't pass it up! I can not go shoping there very often too dangerous for me!!!
Sunday....Easter, breakfast with Tommy' side of the family, then came home & did the whole egg thing and I decided I was tired so I took a nap...which isn't usual for me but I must have needed it. I wasn't going to run today...supposed to rest according to schedule but I just wanted to get out and run so I did I ran around my house it was a 4.65 loop & I did it in 45 minutes. It was tough the wind was blowing head on which sucked but that only makes you a better runner! I have ran a total of a little over 15 miles this week! Who would of thought! I'm telling ya the cute clothes are a huge motivator!!! Need to remember if I start feeling discouraged to go to Dicks & hang out in the running dept! Oh boy I'm off again for another week of running!! This week I will shoot for 20 miles total. I will check with Kylie to see if that sounds reasonable!
Side note:
Kori you better not be running with Jim! He is my running partner not yours! lol! I guess it's ok just not more that 3 miles.......

Feeling positive again......

So I met with my new trainer at the gym (my current one is going out on maternity leave soon) and I'm really excited! He ran 6 marathons is 2 years! He is my hero! He has alot of knowledge & is going to help me learn to run more effeciently. I love to learn & he knows so much about running I just can't wait to train with him! He even knows about chi running & has taken a seminar on it...I've been reading the book on my kindle & really like the ideas so I'm glad he can help me with that too! He used to have calf pain & doesn't anymore so that gives me hope mine will go away eventually. Last night when I was running I tried really hard to think of the pain as a positive thing......I finished my run but it still really sucks!
Things might be crumbling around me right now but knowing I have something that makes me happy & healthy to focus on allows me to cope with all the bad without getting depressed & turning to unhealthy ways to deal with my stress.

As every runner knows, running is about more than just putting one foot in front of the other, it is about our lifestyle & who we are.
-Joan Benoit Samuelson

Pain

I am in pain all the time if I am not taking Advil.....my calf muscles ache constantly & it's driving me crazy! I'm so frustrated with myself I just want to cry. I realize my body is old & doesn't want to run but seriously it should be over it by down & used to the fact I am running! Last night I ran on the treadmill without taking Advil so I could try & correct whatever I'm doing wrong while I'm running. I've been reading about form & realize my form is contributing to my pain. I don't know where I'm going with this post....I guess I just need to whine because I'm cranky and because I'm in pain.
So do I feel any better after whining? NO! Okay no more....I will figure this out & in a few weeks look back & be so glad I kept on running.
I just wonder how much Advil a person can take safely????

Quote of the day:
"The truth is that we can learn to condition our minds, bodies, & emotions to link pain or pleasure to whatever we choose. By changing what we link pain & pleasure to, we will instantly change our behavior." -Tony Robbins

So can I really link pleasure to the pain in my calves......I'm certainly going try!

Commitment

I have made a commitment to run in a 1/2 marathon and I am challenged on a daily basis to give up on this plan. I really hadn't realized what a lifestyle change it would be for me & my family. For the first time (I think ever) I am determined to do something no matter how difficult. I will not give up! I am not a good runner, so every run I think wtf am I thinking??? I can't do this...and the negative thoughts just keep coming. Today when I was running there was one last hill, I had planned on walking up it but the thought "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" popped into my head & I thought this hill is not going to kill me so it will make me stronger. I made it to the top! This life is good!

Running with a new partner.....

Today my husband wanted to go running with me...I have to tell you I wasn't too excited about that idea for several reasons....
1. Even though he does not exercise on a regular basis when he does he always kicks my butt...and that pisses me off because I work out pretty consistantly
2. I am still a pretty new runner & don't like leading the run, I want someone to tell me where to go (Jim is great at that)
3. I'm super nervous to run with him so I know it's not going to be one of my best runs and chances are good I will annoy him & we will get in a fight
4. It's my thing & I want to be good at it...just me, I know selfish! I compare it to me going golfing with him (he would HATE that & never let me go to begin with!)

Well the run is over and
1. He didn't kick my butt (yeah!! being consistant with my running/working out actually is paying off!)
2. I need to not worry so much! I can lead a run I need to stop thinking I'm so stupid!
3. I did annoy him (which I always do when I'm nervous) we started to get in a bit of a fight but the good thing about running is once I'm into my run a bit NOTHING matters but finishing the run so the arguement was nipped in the bud pretty quickly!
4. I'm pretty sure he didn't like it much & it will still be "my thing".
Every run I learn something new just one more reason to keep running!

March 23, 2010 1st time running by myself

The weather is absolutely beautiful right now so I could not allow myself to run indoors on my treadmill. Jim was not available to run at the same time as me so I bit the bullet & headed out from house. My plan was to run a 4 mile route I mapped out. This route doesn't seem quite as hilly as when you are in a car! I ran every hill but did have to walk at the top of a few of them. I realize at about mile 1.5 I finally start to enjoy my run. The first mile is torture everytime! I swear I'm going to give up running during this time. But something happens around 1.5 & I start to enjoy it & start thinking I really am a runner! And of course the end of the run is always good because IT'S ALMOST OVER! And I FINISHED IT! I have never had such a love hate relationship with anything before....(ok maybe sometimes with my husband, lol!)
Calves are still killing me! They felt better after my workout at the vault, I like working out at the vault before I run. I iced them which helps but I'm living on Advil & I'm not so sure that's a good thing!
Next time I run that 4 mile route I want to do it without stopping so in order to do this I probably need to bring with Jim with me! I definately run further when I'm with him.